/ / 9 Things You Need To Know Before Having A Baby (What I Wish I Knew)

9 Things You Need To Know Before Having A Baby (What I Wish I Knew)

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Today I’m sharing a list of things to know before having a baby that I wish I had. I hope you find it super helpful if you’re a first time mom or even a second time mom and forgot these postpartum feelings!

These are things that moms don’t talk about enough (in my opinion). From baby blues to mom guilt and having a full-blown identity crisis… I hope sharing my experience in the fourth trimester can make you feel less alone or more prepared. 


What You Need To Know Before Having A Baby

It can take time to create a bond.

He doesn’t know you, you don’t know him. That’s OK. I felt pressure to have an instant connection with Isaiah and although I loved him to death the second he was born, the reality is, we were strangers!

I was sad because I thought something was wrong with me. NOTHING is wrong with you.

You both have to learn who each other are. Yes, he grew for 9 months in my stomach. Yes, he knows my scent and recognizes my voice.. But we still have to learn who each other are. As with any relationship, that takes time. It took weeks to feel like we REALLY knew each other. He is now 4 months old and our bond is incredible. I wish I’d known before having a baby that this was part of the process.

Trust your husband and compliment him on how well he is with the baby early on.

It boosts his confidence in taking care of the baby and is just overall healthy for your relationship. I’m a control freak and I did not do this well.

I definitely still have a schedule I like Isaiah to be on, but what they do during awake time and how Michael calms him for nap time is none of my business.

The truth is, just because something works for YOU doesn’t mean it’s going to work for your husband. Michael is sooo good at doing tummy time, working on strengthening Isaiah’s neck, doing airplane around the house, and has the patience at the end of the day that I don’t always have after taking care of him for 12+ hours.

Include your husband as much as possible.

I talked about how it took time for Isaiah and I to create a bond, and the same will go for your husband.. And it will probably take longer since they didn’t carry them for 10 months and aren’t breastfeeding. Michael works from 8-6 so he doesn’t see Isaiah much during the week, so he’s pretty much in charge of Isaiah’s bedtime routine. He gets home around 6:15 and depending on when Isaiah’s last nap was, he will hang for 10-15 mins, then do bath and bottle and put him to sleep while I cook dinner. Isaiah loves bath time so this creates a positive association with dad coming home.

You will probably have an identity crisis.

No one warned me? Your priorities shift overnight. You become a mom and it’s truly like your former self evaporates in an instant. You no longer have time for a lot of the things that used to make you, you, because the newborn stage is all encompassing. This was (and still is) especially hard for me since I run my own business and am extremely career driven.

Before Isaiah, my job was definitely my “baby”. I put all I had into it for the last 3 years and then POOF it was gone. Or that’s how it felt. I was suddenly a stay at home mom and only doing baby things 24/7. There is NOTHING wrong with being a stay at home mom, but I always pictured myself as a “working mom”. Finding that balance was seemingly impossible. It’s only recently (like as in this week) that I think we have found that balance. Which takes me to mom guilt..

You will experience mom guilt and it’s the most confusing thing in the world.

To me, mom guilt is the constant feeling that you are not doing enough, not doing things right, making wrong decisions… It’s truly paralyzing and enough to make you never leave your baby’s sight because the decision making process feels too overwhelming. I talked about this a little bit in this Instagram post, but being a working mom has only made the mom guilt worse.

At the end of the day I feel like I was either a rockstar mom or a rockstar business woman, but never both on the same day. I know that I need to accept help in order to be my best self, but the instant I leave the house or accept help from someone I feel guilty. I feel like I should be able to do it all.. Work from home, take care of him, run my business, be completely engaged with him. You can’t do it all!! Speaking of jobs…

Breastfeeding is a full time job.

You will be tied to your baby. Especially those first 6-8 weeks. They cluster feed, their eating is all over the place, you’re establishing your milk supply, and it’s truly just constant.

At 4 months old, he eats every 3 hours so I can at least plan around that if I need to run an errand and have Michael watch him, but you’re always on a time crunch unless you pump and do bottles. But even then, you are tied to your pump. It’s a lot… I was not prepared for it, BUT I do love it and the bond it’s formed with Isaiah and myself. OH, and your appetite/thirst will be outta control. So be aware of that as well haha.

People are going to give you crap no matter what you do.

Whether it’s the recommended way or your own style, just remember that YOU are the parent and don’t give in to whatever pressure people put you under. If nursing your baby to sleep or having them sleep in their own room before 6 months is what’s best for you, do it. 

Baby blues are normal and OK.

It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby any less!! You can miss your old life and be excited about your new life at the same time. You can feel immense joy when you look at your baby and also feel sad wondering when you will resume some normalcy. This is a HUGE life change. You can look at your husband and adore seeing him in his new role as a Dad AND miss the times it was just the two of you. All of these feelings can coexist and they are perfectly normal. It doesn’t say anything about you as a Mom or your love for your baby.

Don’t compare your baby’s milestones or your motherhood journey to anyone else.

This is a BIG one. I have definitely fallen prey to the comparison trap of Isaiah’s milestones and as soon as I realized I was doing it, I quickly shut that voice down. Your baby will sleep through the night when they are ready. They will walk, crawl, sit, stand, all when they’re ready.

I think we are overly obsessed with our babies becoming independent at such a young age because maternity leave is so short (if you get one at all). We are inundated with information on sleep training, leaps, how to properly get your baby to nap, how often to feed them, and so on. We stopped listening to our mom instincts and started listening to what google had to say about it or some baby expert on Instagram. God chose YOU to be your baby’s mama for a reason. Don’t ignore your mama instinct and intuition. 

If you’re a future mom, congrats! If you’re a new mom, can you relate?

Thanks so much for reading!

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